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Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Just When You Thought It Was Safe to Go Back in the Water

I know I’m supposed to be blogging about chapter books, or adult books, or something.  But I just had to tell you about this.

I bought this book for my son, Owen, for Christmas.  He’s five.


I thought it would be a good one since he likes sharks and because he’s always interested in non-fiction books.  It’s set up like an encyclopedia, with a one-page entry per animal.  Plus, it was on the bargain table for a mere $5.98 or something, so I thought, Why not? 

The book sat in his room for a while after the holidays – volcano sets and giant Nerf guns and Hexbugs and Lego ninja castles and spy gear being more interesting than a fish encyclopedia, really.  But recently, he remembered it and started leafing through it.  He’s always so earnest and sweet, looking at his books, I love to watch him. 

So a few nights ago, he asked me to read a few pages of it instead of reading stories before bed.  Sure, honey, sounds great.  We snuggle up together, all warm in our jammies with sweet-smelling freshly-shampooed hair, and the first thing I noticed was that EVERY SINGLE SEA CREATURE WANTS TO FREAKING KILL ME AND EAT MY LIVER.  Seriously, can you believe how menacing these drawings are? 




And if the looks on their faces aren’t enough, check out the carnage:




Plus, Sharks and Other Creatures of the Deep serves as a cautionary tale.  You'd better think twice about taking your beloved pet to fetch tennis balls in the surf.  (Is nothing sacred anymore?)



Also?  This fish will eat you EVEN AFTER YOU CHOP ITS HEAD OFF.  So he’s either immortal, or he’s just a badass.  He’s like the Samuel Jackson of ichthyology.


Merry Christmas, sweet Owen.  You’re welcome for the lovely, appropriate gift…and sweet dreams.  (I realize that you’ll be too traumatized ever to swim again, for the rest of your natural life.  Sorry about that.)  Love, Mommy.

(An aside:  He honestly LOVES the book.  He’s a five-year-old boy, so of course he does.  In fact, Sharks and Other Creatures of the Deep recently beat out The Jesus Storybook Bible as his very favorite book.  I think Jesus understands.  He knew about Jonah, after all.)

8 comments:

  1. HILARIOUS! By the way, I think it looks AWESOME. Mathias would LOVE IT. The fish with the light over his head is one of my favorites, by the way...

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    1. It's pretty much the BEST. GIFT. EVER. I should order a dozen, to have on hand for birthday parties in Eloise & Owen's set.

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  2. Omg! You are hilarious! I love the last picture the best....I have a thing for bad asses!

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    1. I especially love the look on his victim's face. Thanks for reading!

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  3. I clicked over from Emily at Keeping Time and I'm kindof in love with your blog now. Because it would be super creepy to declare love to YOU on such short notice. I won't do it.

    But I LOVE your blog, and I can't wait to read about what you read next. Even if you write about a book on sewing...I expect to adore it. Your voice is so...relatable? Hilarious?

    Whatever: I love you ;)

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    1. Thank you Sarah! Wow, this makes my day! (I can't believe I have a reader I don't know personally and haven't forced upon pain of death to read everything I write. Not that I'm demanding, or anything.) But seriously, I'm so flattered! Can't wait to check out your blogs also. Have a great day & thanks for the comment.

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  4. So funny- thanks for the laugh! I love your writing. I took Nathaniel to the library to find shark (and other water animal) books and I had a hard time finding a shark book that wasn't horrifying. Luckily, I could easily distract him with whale and dolphin books.

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    1. Kristina, thanks! But it's only a matter of time :>)

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