Fifty Shades of Grey – E.L. James

FOR REAL ARE YOU SHITTING ME YES YOU MUST BE.

(Not you, dear reader.  Never you.)

Disclaimer:  The only reason I read this terrible book is because EVERYONE in my ‘hood has already read it.  If that’s not negative publicity for the suburbs, I don’t know what is.  And granted, it is sexy – I am not arguing with that.  I get it.  I do.  (But if you want sexy, read sexy that is also smart.  Like Outlander, by Diana Gabaldon.  Jamie Fraser?  Holy hell, about eleventy-gazillion times hotter than Christian Grey.  People, please.)

But, back to today’s book o’ smut. 

Here is what is not shocking, to me:

            1)  The novel’s bizarre S&M sex scenes.

2)  The fact that the book frames a dominant-submissive sexual relationship as a love story.

3)  The fact that Fifty Shades, along with the other two novels in the trilogy, presently occupy spots one, two, and three on the New York Times Bestseller List.

On the other hand. 

What is shocking is that a book that uses the phrase “sensual sexuality” actually got published.  [Weeping in despair.  Despair!]  Abandon all hope, ye who enter Fifty Shades.  Here’s another gem.  Brace yourself.

“I gaze at my mom.  She is on her fourth marriage.  Maybe she does know something about men after all.”

This is said with no irony whatsoever.

Also, an interesting factoid:  I just wiki’d the series and learned that Fifty Shades was based on a manuscript the author originally wrote as fan fiction of this esteemed novel.  Shocker.  My point?  Crap begets crap.

PEOPLE.  [stabs eyes out of head WITH SEWING SCISSORS.]

However.  This is erotica written by a woman, for women – a genre that is seemingly under-represented in contemporary fiction.  And even though the female protagonist is, well, physically abused, I wonder if there is any way to look that this as an empowering book.  (Just trying to think outside the box here.  Bear with me.)  I’m not saying that there is, but I am asking what you think.  Is this merely another terribly written book?  Or does it somehow fill a gap in women’s…uh…needs?  And in doing so, is it possible that it indirectly empowers women, making it more important than the sum of its parts?

And that is all I have to say.  Already this is too much time spent on this ridiculous book.  Especially since I’m spending valuable time here when I could be reading book two. 

Laters.